Wanted: A Few Good Sperm

Here is an article from the New York Times Magazine attempting to normalize the practice of single women choosing to have children by artificial insemination. Even those who support this brave new world must find this article a little disturbing. Here is one woman's story:

"I pulled up the Web site of the only sperm bank that I know of that has adult photos. There happened to be one Jewish person. I pulled up the photo, and I looked at my friend, and I looked at his picture, and I said, 'Oh, my God.' I can't say love at first sight, because, you know. But he was the one."

The next morning, Karyn called the bank and spoke with a woman who worked there. "She said: 'I have to be honest. He's very popular, and I only have eight units in store right now. I'm not sure how much longer he might be in the program,"' Karyn told me. "Most women in New York impulse-buy Manolo Blahniks, and I said, 'I'll take the eight units.' It was $3,100." The price included six months of storage.

Now, this purchase may have been impulsive, but you must consider the "strong sense of connection she felt to the donor" -- this special bond formed by seeing a picture on the internet. Obviously invested in her new "family," this woman made sure to keep the spark in the relationship alive:

She also printed the donor's picture and kept it on the coffee table of her Manhattan studio apartment, where she sleeps in a Murphy bed. "I kind of glance at it as I pass," she said of the picture. "It's almost like when you date someone, and you keep looking at them, and you're, like, Are they cute? But every time I pass, I'm, like, Oh, he's really cute. It's a comforting feeling."

Karyn carried a wallet-size copy of the donor's photo between her MetroCard and her work ID

Maybe I'm paranoid, but I would be worried about the fact that a donor was very popular. Who knows how many half brothers and sisters the kid will have running around? Actually, the kid will know - this guy was an "identity-release donor (also called an "open donor" or a "yes donor") — a growing and extremely popular category of sperm donors who are willing to be contacted by any offspring who reach the age of 18." It is going to be an awkward dating scene in a couple of generations when all these children need a DNA test to avoid incest, but this cross-pollination does not seem important:

At times, the relationships can become even more enmeshed: one mother I spoke with, whose twin sons were conceived using both donor eggs and donor sperm, gave her leftover frozen embryos to a friend who was having fertility problems. The friend is now pregnant with a child who will be this mother's own sons' full sibling.

The women in this article also explain the important strategy in selecting a doner. Here are some samples:

"I would probably choose somebody with a darker skin color so I don't have to slather sunblock on my kid all the time. I want it to be a healthy mix. You know how mixed dogs are always the nicest and the friendliest and the healthiest? If you get a clear race, they have all the problems. Mutts are always the friendly ones, the intelligent ones, the ones who don't bark and have a good character. I want a mutt."

"He's got black straight hair," she told me, "brown eyes, he's six feet but he only weighs 150. Which is good. If I have a girl, she wants to be skinny, and if she can eat what she wants, that's perfect. You don't have to get in fights about food."

"Thick hair, which is also nice," she said, "because if I happen to get a son, I don't like bald guys.

I also enjoyed this statement:

She began stocking up on the donor's sperm (most banks keep a reserve supply of each donor's sperm for women who want second children) when Christopher was still an infant. "I want my son to have a full sibling," she said. "I want to feel like he has one person in the world who is a complete blood relative after I'm gone. I did not want my son to feel deprived, that the other sibling had a father and he didn't."

But he doesn't really have a father. That was the whole point!

Finally, the obligatory pro-life absurdity in an article of this nature:

She seemed reconciled to the fact that it might take a while to become pregnant, but she was no less determined. Her fellow would-be single mother is 36, Daniela told me, but her situation is complicated by a boyfriend who has children.

"Why don't you tell him you've got some kids, too?" Daniela recalled suggesting to her friend. "They're just not born yet."