Ludovico Technique

According to this story, classical music may soon be pumping through outdoor speakers at Lincoln's downtown theater. Sounds nice, doesn't it? Maybe it will add a little culture to the downtown. If only that was the purpose; actually, the theater will be playing the "unpopular" music to get rid of people.

Apparently they are not the first brilliant masterminds to implement this plan:

In Tacoma, Wash., city authorities recently installed speakers in public places and began playing classical music to keep criminals from becoming too comfortable in one place.

This little anecdote is even better:

Mark Shriner, who owns the Coffee House at 13th and P streets, is one who actually put bad music to the test.

When his place became a hangout for teen smokers in the mid-1990s, he turned up the classical tunes inside.

It worked.

“The younger people tended to want to puke when they heard it,” Shriner said.

It is not even that kids prefer the manufactured pop of Britney Spears or the modern musical genius of the brothers Hanson, now kids cannot even hear classical music without nausea. Any ideas how to lift culture out of this pit, Duebster?