Botched Jokes

One imperative ingredient in the "botched joke defense" is that you must be able to show how the joke would have been funny had you not botched it. At least plausibly funny. I am not going to argue over what should and should not be said (though I do support censorship and believe some things should not be said), but what I can not stand is the weak, pathetic explanations.

Of course, there is the Botched Joke from John Kerry, explained away so well:

Kerry said he mangled the delivery of a line aimed at Bush. According to aides, the language was originally written to say that "if you're intellectually lazy, you end up getting us stuck in a war in Iraq just ask President Bush."

Regardless of whether he should have said it, that explanation is not plausible because that joke, even if executed perfectly, is NOT funny!

But here is the new gem I read today. Michelle Malkin's blog has this trasncript of an ESPN interview with Keith Olberman:

Host: Would you ever go on "Dancing with the Stars?"

KO: Uh, possibly to do a cameo and introduce someone. [unintelligible] I would escort someone onto the stage, that's as far as I would go, and hope I wouldn't trip doing that.

Host: People still upset that I've had the audacity to criticize Emmitt Smith...

KO: How about Bill O'Reilly on "Dancing with the Stars?" Then you could get some real e-mails.

Host: I don't think Bill would do that.

KO: I'll go on it if he will. I'll challenge him to a "Dancing on the Stars"--"Dancing with the Stars"--dance-off. How's that?

Host: I would have to side with Bill O'Reilly on that.

Olbermann: Not if I get him in the hamstrings. You know, one of those little doctor's tools. The small knives, right in the hamstrings kind of thing. Nancy Kerrigan kind of stuff.

Host: Nice, nice.

Olbermann (muttering): Joke

*Commercial break*

Olbermann: Can I do a correction?

Host: Just one?

Olbermann: Yeah, just one.

Host: Ok.

It would actually broadly fall into the category of an apology to Bill O'Reilly, if you can believe that. The joke I made on the way out there if we were on "Dancing with the Stars" was about me. If we were both on "Dancing with the Stars," I'd go after him with like a pen knife to try to sever his hamstring. It's about me. It was a joke at my own expense. But...it's beyond the pale. You shouldn't, you can't joke about physical stuff no matter what you think of somebody politically, broadcasting-wise, reputationally. It's just beyond the pale.

Host: Ok.

Olbermann: So, I apologize. [Grunts.] I apologize. You know, we gotta draw the line somewhere and the line is: You wanna criticize, be critical, be humorous, be sarcastic, yell stuff, great. But physical stuff is out of bounds. Even joking about it. Thank you. Okay.

He apologized for his stupid joke, and I don't even know if something like that is off-limits between TV folks like Olberman and O'Reilly (to be decided elsewhere). But I question the logic of his apology--How could a joke about severing your enemy's hamstring be a joke about yourself? It may even be funny, but about yourself? Perhaps people would be a little more forgiving if these joke-botchers would just understand humor a little better.

Honorable Mention goes to Charlie Rangel. I know this was not a joke, but the explanation mimics the botched joke defense:

Rangel, D-N.Y., was quoted in an article today in The New York Times, saying: “Mississippi gets more than their fair share back in federal money, but who the hell wants to live in Mississippi?”

. . .

Garcia e-mailed The Associated Press a response from Rangel: “I certainly don’t mean to offend anyone, I just love New York so much that I can’t understand why everyone wouldn’t want to live here.”

He could have just said, "Sorry. Out of line and inappropriate." At least that is believable. Besides, who the hell does want to live in Mississippi?